Always Alone

Chapter 1

The traveler has wondered many lands, never stopping, constantly searching. Though for what, he has not a clue. Now he comes to a new land, a new path. Will he find what he seeks, or move on to never see this wonderfully beautiful place again? His name is Jomni, and this is his story.

Jomni, yes that is my name. Sometimes it is hard to remember when you speak to no one for a long time. I have spent years wandering the world, though I know not where it is I go, or what it is that I search for. I have traveled for more than ten years, now in the prime of my life I have to wonder if I will ever find what is I am meant to do. I have to wonder also, if I will ever find where it is I am meant to be. Allow me to tell you my story, and in the end, maybe I will know the answers to my life.

I grew up on a pastureland taking care of the horses my family owned and breed. My father, Merik, was and maybe still is, a wealthy merchant in the town called Ravenarche. He breed the entire city’s horses, and raised them. He made a very comfortable life for us. We were respected to a certain degree, and wealthy. Every person in town asked my fathers advice when it came to buying one of his horses. Though, it never really mattered to me. In truth, I didn’t really take care of the horses; I just watched them graze all day. Animals take better care of themselves if left to themselves, so there was not much work in it for me. My life gave me time to learn, and be educated, something that was reserved only for the wealthiest of men. I was not very satisfied with my early life. I never felt like I belonged in the simple life of a horse breeder. Ever since I could remember, I felt deep inside that I was destined for more. I knew that I was not meant to watch horses for the rest of my life. This may sound conceited, but I felt as if I was destined for greatness. To see and do things no one else had ever done. I felt that I was destined to one day be known throughout the world.

One day when I was twelve, my father stopped me on my way out to herd the horses to pastureland so they could graze.

“Son, we have to talk. Now you said last night that we could talk this mornin’, cause you were tired from being out with the horses all day, and that was fine. But, you ain’t gettin’ outta the door ‘till we have this talk, you hear me?” My father said in raised tones to me.

“Yes, father. My apologies. I had forgotten. What is it we need to discuss?” I asked, sounding as though I had just forgotten the discussion, and that it was no big deal. I hadn’t forgotten about it, in truth. I just knew that whatever my father wanted to talk about couldn’t be good. He never wanted to talk to me unless it involved the horses, or he was trying to “teach” me the business, so that I would know what to do when he was no longer here. He had a way of bringing it up almost everyday. One time, he took me with him when he was selling some horses to one of the men in town, telling me that I would need to know how to deal the man “when I’m no longer here to spare you the ulcers of him”. In truth, he only took me so that I could see him bully the man into paying twice what the poor old creatures were worth. I held no love for my father. It was with dread that I turned around to hear what it was he wanted to talk to me about.

“Now son, you’re getting to the age where you will be a man, and it’s time for you to be-a-thinkin’ about settling down and starting your own family.” I heard the words out of my father’s mouth, as if they hadn’t been said, but ordained. I couldn’t believe it; my father wanted me to get married. Why? I was only twelve my mind screamed at me.

“I’m only twelve, father.” I said to him. “Why should I marry now?”

“Because, I won’t be here forever, and I want to make sure you are ready.

“Ready for what?” I asked.

“Ready for life, ready to take over.”

“Father, there is plenty of time for me to marry. I don’t have to marry now.” I said, trying to stall his train of thought.

“Yes you do.” He insisted.

“Why?” I said through gritted teeth.

“Because, you are almost a man, and it’s time for you to grow up, and live a man’s life. Not the life of a little boy watching horses all day. It’s time for you to be a man.” My father screamed.

“And, who is it you suppose I marry?” I asked my father with an almost scathing ring to my voice.

“Ah, sounds like you are finally going to see some reason, here.” My father said in calmer tones. “You remember a few weeks ago when I took you with me to sell some horses to that man, Count Laris? Well, he has a daughter. She’s his only child, and he’s looking to be-a-marryin’ her off. He’s concerned that his title will die with him, if he marries her off to another noble. She can’t take the title with her. But, if he marries her off to someone not of noble blood, then that man will gain his title, and his name won’t end with him.” My father said in a rush. The look on his face told me that he wasn’t being as honest as he could have been with me.

“And, what’s in it for you?” I asked my father.

“Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.” My father said with the look of little boy with his hand caught in the cookie jar.

“Father,” I said with a hard tone to my voice, “tell me the truth. There has got to be something in it for you, if you are trying to arrange for me to marry some girl I don’t know.”

“Oh, alright. In truth, the man is going broke. He’s a noble with no money to back his name. You are gonna get the girl, and the title that goes with her, and at the same time, our fortunes are going to replenish his empty accounts. I should have known you would want to know the whole truth.” My father said.

“So, in truth, our fortune is going to keep him in the life he is used to, while my marriage to this girl has the sole purpose of aggrandizing you? I don’t see what possible reason I would have to marry her.” I told my father.

“Now you listen here, boy,” my father shouted, “you will marry her and that is the end of it. She will bring this family more power and respect than a silly little boy like you could ever imagine. Through this marriage of yours, we will be acknowledged in the highest circles of society. Until now, our fortunes have only given us access to some of the more grandiose people on the outskirts of decent society. I am sick and tired of crawling around the nobles I serve with my horses, and only being sneered at, like a lowly servant. Your marriage to this Count’s daughter will stop it all. They will finally acknowledge us as equals, with fortunes larger than most of theirs. We will finally have true respect around these parts.”

“Ah, so this is all about your bruised ego, yet again. So tired of being side stepped by the nobles you sell to, that you want me to marry a noble’s daughter, only to give you social rank? I don’t want to marry, father. I want to be alone. I am too young to marry.” I retorted.

My father’s face grew a dark shade of maroon, as his fury at me grew. “You have no pride, boy. You would be happy tendin’ them horses ‘till the day you die, but I want a better life for us. Your mother doesn’t deserve to be snubbed at the way she is, only because she doesn’t have a title to go with her money. Now, you are gonna marry that girl, and that is all there is to it. Do you hear me, boy?” My father screamed at me.

“Yes, I hear you father. You want me to marry the tart, I will, but I don’t have to like it.” My father slapped me as the words came out, and I just stared at him, before running out of the door, and into the fields to get away.

It wasn’t that I was ungrateful for the life I had had. It was an easy life, tending horses in the fields, and living in the luxury that came with the business my father owned, but to marry me off just so he can say he is the son of nobility? I was incensed when I went out to the fields with the horses that day, incensed to the point that I felt like I had to move, to be active, or I would go crazy. I walked away from the horses that I loved so much, as they grazed. I needed time away from everything that was my father. I needed time to be alone. How could he expect me to marry the daughter of a Count, just to increase the wealth and standing of our family? Gods Above, I didn’t even know her. I had never even met her. Why should I marry now anyway? I was only twelve, a child in my own ways. Growing up was something I wouldn’t have to do for a few years at least. But to my father, I was old enough to bring the family their desired social ranking. So, I walked, out among the land, hoping against hope that it could sooth me, when I was finding myself in a right state of temper. I had always intended to go back, but I kept saying over and over again, “Just a little while longer, just a few more miles and I’ll go back.” But, I never turned around that day. Before I knew it, the light was fading, and I stopped to camp in a field clearing.

From what I have heard, my father was frantic that night, worrying over where I was. He had the entire town turned inside out, and they set out on a massive manhunt, gathering all of the able bodied men from neighboring farms and the village close by just to search for me. They searched for days, but no sign of me did they ever find. Merik, it is hard for me to call him father anymore, feared he would never see me again. From what I have heard, he blamed himself for the fact that I ran away. He wished he could have taken back the argument that drove me to leave, but he knew he wished in vain for something that not even the gods could take back. My father knew that I was taught how to live off of the land when I was a child, and he knew deep inside that he would not see me again for many years, if ever again.

I traveled for many months, living off of that land that I knew so well; always wondering where my feet were taking me. Though, I soon found out where I was led. This isn’t to say that I was unhappy, or in a hurry. I enjoyed the journey…enjoyed the sense of freedom I had for the first time in my life…step for step, seeing places my eyes had never seen before. Walking places my feet had never taking me before. “This,” I thought to myself, “this is what I am meant to do. Go to these different places. See things no one else has ever seen. I am supposed to be free. I am not meant for that menial little life my father had so neatly planned out for me. How can I marry a girl I’ve never seen, and continue his work? How can I watch horses my whole life, and not live?”

I walked for weeks, always going in the same direction, north. I had no idea where I was going, or where the path would lead me. The only thing I did know was that I had to put as much distance between my family and myself. I didn’t want anyone I knew to find me, and drag me back to my father. He would have surely made me marry that girl, and I did not want that. I was better off out here on the land, alone.

Time moved slowly for me out on the road. What is there to do, where is there to go, when you walk all day, and find a field or clearing in the woods to sleep at night? Life is simple when you are on the road everyday, going nowhere. Sleeping under the stars is peaceful. You find your gods in them if you look up long enough. And, I know that my gods see me every day, and they watch out for me. I know that I am protected by their divine grace, and it follows me. Bad things have happened to me in my years, but I have been given just as much.